his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Two words: nipple clamps
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