I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
