I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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