I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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