I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
