isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
