Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
