and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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