I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
