if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
