put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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