Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
