Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
