I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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