Capitaan dildo arrescate!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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