Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
