Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
