Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
