apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
