people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
