Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
