I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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