i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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