just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
