I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
