ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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