Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
