I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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