We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
