I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
