She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When did angry sex become our thing?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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