I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
