just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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