At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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