is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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