Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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