he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
