sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
