Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
