Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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