Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
