He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
