Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
