They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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