Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
