Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
