I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
