i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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