I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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