Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
