I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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