??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
